Am I to a bad mother?

I'm getting married July 23, 2010, I've been with my fiance 4 yrs. I'm divorced and my ex husband and I get along really well when it comes to our daughter. She spends every other weekend with him, so she came home last weekend and said her father said she can wear a little eye liner when they go to family party's(she's almost 13). I said I have no problem with that as long as you know it's only for that, NOT for school or any other occasion. Then Wednesday my fiance called , he picks her up from school and drops her home, my home( we Don't live together), fiance says she looks like she has make up on under her eyes. I said when I get home I'll ask about it because I'm at work. I ask her ,she says, she told her friends she can now wear eyeliner, her friends wear make-up, light eye shadow or whatever. I told her I thought you knew you could not wear it in school. She said her friends wanted to see how she looks with it on and she washed her face in school but still had a little left. I told her next time I catch you with this again, you're grounded for a week, if you cant listen. She said sorry mom they just wanted to see how i look, it wont happen again. Well fiance called that night , i told him what she said. He said I am so gullible and I let her get away with it because grounding is not the way. He was implying I hit her or something. He started yelling non stop on the phone and I just hung up.He said I want to be cool mom or something. I don't let her do anything , She comes home straight from school, no friends call mon-thurs because of school work. She doesn't go out, she has no cell phone, her grades are 90 and better. Am I a failure as a mom ? Fiance makes me feel like that all the time. Now I'm questionging this wedding ?