What do you think of THIS excerpt?

Well, the blending of literature and reality has been done before, most recently in the movie "Stranger Than Fiction". Except in that movie, it didn't involve like... teenagers and hot actors and stuff. But apart from that, the main issue is the writing itself. The way this is written, it just sounds like a group of teenage girls talking to each other. There's no development. No interesting sentence structure. No descriptions. There are also various grammatical errors. It just screams "teenager", which no writing should do. Also, it's just so... unrealistic. I understand that it's fiction and all, but even fantasy books are realistic in that they create a world in which certain things (aka magic) can happen. How the hell can there be a rapist in a high school in the middle of the day? There are people walking around, security cameras, etc. It's beyond unrealistic.